When a vision dies

It was a bleak morning indeed when I went for that walk. I was desperate for some alone time to process my thoughts and feelings, and prayers with God.

The doctor had shown a little concern. When he listened, he couldn’t detect any heartbeat coming from the foetus. My wife was booked in for an immediate scan that afternoon and I purposely took time off work so we could be together.

Hadn’t we prayed and thanked, indeed celebrated this pregnancy! The older children also were in great anticipation. For me personally, I had had an assurance from the Lord countless times that he would give us a fourth child. We were only a little over three months short of the fruit of all our family’s expectations, when we would touch, hold, handle, cuddle this wonderful small being and put out the welcome mat into our family. Suddenly, I came across a small dead sparrow in my path. To continue, I had to physically walk around it. My spirit dropped. Was this somehow a symbol? Was something dear and precious in our life about to die?

I held this to myself and before long, we were walking through the scan together. There was quietness from the technician. Before long, a couple of workers approached us and advised there was no stirring from our baby at all. Our doctor, a christian doctor, asked us to call in to see him on the way to the hospital. He lovingly sought to lend emotional strength and support with well-chosen words. At the hospital, they would conduct a procedure which would remove the body of the foetus. They were taking the body of our little unborn but they were not taking the baby. Our baby was already in heaven with Jesus.

A new song

The most amazing star appeared in the sky that night, unlike anything I had ever seen before. Three of us saw it. For me, it stood out in all its brilliance as I made my way to the car on leaving the hospital. It was an awful grief but we were comforted.

But what of the promise?

A little later, I was reading some profound words from Selwyn Hughes. The pattern right through Scripture never alters. Any vision that God gives will always be tested. In particular, we have the example of Isaac, the child of promise. Abram was first given the promise of a child when he was 75.

With every year that passed after that, the promise seemed to be further and further out of reach, from a purely human point of view. Ishmael came but he was not the supreme desire of God’s heart for Abram (Genesis 17:1,2). Then, at the age of 100, a full 25 years after that original promise, Isaac was born. The vision had first had to die before there could be an ultimate resurrection. Death (the seeming impossibility of Abraham’s seed at the age of 100, Romans 4:19), then resurrection!

Joseph had to die to his dream, as he languished in his dungeon before his dream of being God’s leader could come to final consummation. Jesus Himself is the ultimate biblical evidence of this principle. The dream originally planted in Mary’s heart that her son have a kingdom that would never end (Luke 1:33) looked greatly disturbed on that cruel day on the Cross. Then Sunday came – resurrection! He even now waits in infinite patience for the fulfillment of those promised words to Mary, as do all His followers.

Seemingly, for now, we may be in a season where the sparrow has fallen. Do we yet understand that we are of far more worth to our Creator God than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31)! The beauty of it all is that our little baby who died was of far more value than any intricate part of His marvelous creation.

And the promise was greater than anything I could ever have imagined. We have five children, not four – one child we are waiting to embrace in the glory of heaven. Meanwhile, God true to form, fulfilled His promise and we have four living children in this earthly sphere. Emilie arrived on the scene seven years after that sad day at the hospital. I vividly recall the day the nose of my car drove away from the birthing unit, wound down my window and with a fist of joy in celebration, cried out Hallelujah… to the heavens.

Since that day, I have at other times come across a dead sparrow in my path. I am still reminded, though something in my life precious to me may be about to “die,” I am forever reminded:

The Creator with a Father’s heart watches on and I am of infinite value to Him

This dream, this vision so close to my heart, this promise has to die for now if it is one day to assume the mantle of a glorious resurrection. Till then, I am learning to hold the promises of God lightly.

The vision may die, but the resurrection is certain