Be careful who you challenge

One day I stepped out of God's assigned orbit for me. I was in the middle years of pastoring my second church and believed I needed to approach an associate on a certain matter.

I doubt on reflection that it was even my prerogative to raise the matter that I was raising, but little did I realise I was on even more dangerous ground than this.

Our exchange was a disaster. My friend was so gracious at the time, but I learned subsequently my words had hurt deeply.

The reality was I had not been investing in this relationship as I should have for some time, either as his friend or in our working relationship together. If this is the state of any of your relationships, be careful where you step! Take time to build into your life a new song.

A new song

Never challenge an unaffirmed person; conversely, only ever challenge an encouraged person.

Build into the emotional bank accounts of your friends, those you work with and those you love. Only when you do this will you ever have the mandate to say the "hard thing" when it needs to be said. And, be sure it needs to be said. God is helping me slay my arrogance over other people's approach to things. It is time as never before to move from the judgmental conversations, to the tree of Life.

Every relationship that is important to you
needs to be like a well-watered garden

It hit hard when my friend gently confronted me soon after this event, and said "Wayne, I would have found it so much easier to listen to what you had to say to me if…"

A little time later, I invited him to a cinema with me so we could both enjoy a movie together. He joyfully accepted but I couldn't help think how things might have been so very different if I had made a number of small investments just like this one in the relationship over the preceding year.

Every relationship that is important to you needs to be like a well-watered garden. The work on the relationship needs to be mutual and not one-sided.

Remember encouragement is the oxygen of the soul. Err on the side of mercy, rather than judgment – and don't even attempt to challenge an unencouraged person, friend, spouse, workmate.