A choice between static or living

It was our first year married – it was also the first time we had entered a polling booth together.

I couldn't believe it. In chatting together on our walk home, I discovered she had actually voted differently than I had. I reacted. What was the point? Our votes just cancelled each other out.

Naturally, I had assumed we would go into this thing like a team. My wife must have known what I would be voting. I had always imagined she would mirror my feelings on political issues. My mum and dad had always reflected each other on christian issues and political issues. Surely, if you harboured any thought you might change downtrack you needed to give notice during the courtship or engagement; sudden change felt almost a bit fraudulent in my thinking.

A new song

Over time, God challenged me powerfully on this. If a husband and wife were confined always to think the same, that made the relationship static. Didn't I want my relationship to be a growing thing?

"Living things" are dynamic, they're elastic. There's room to stretch. Marriage partners in a relationship like this are given room to think for themselves. They are not in a straitjacket. Living things grow. As young children teach us, they change shoe-size. If we were the same people today as we were 10 years ago, how would that be a case of "iron sharpens iron" (Proverbs 27:17)?

I had been seeing it as a trial, when James reminds me I might rather "count it all joy" (James 1:2). And I am glad. I would not be the man I am today had I not allowed my wife to stretch me in my thinking. It took a new measure of grace and humility on my part but I am so glad God led me there.

"Living things" are dynamic, they're elastic. There's room to stretch. Marriage partners in a relationship like this are given room to think for themselves.

I no longer seize with anxiety in a small group setting if my partner in life answers the question different than what I had hoped or takes the study in a slightly different direction. I can sit back, ease into it. What do I have to learn here? It's usually something good (for all of us).

It doesn't make us any less a loving unit. Marriage was given for mutual support, not mutual dependency. We need to develop in the direction of the abundant, expansive life God has for us. We do not have to be joined at the hip.

My wife's still "on team" – and I get the best of both worlds because living things grow. Marriages like this allow for independent thought. They welcome independent growth. The parties to the marriage recognise that it's then, the marriage itself grows. The relationship gives permission for each to become all that God had for them to become. We can have faith in the process of each other's journey. More than that, it is a thrilling thing to steward each other growing into our maximum potential.

I have never yet heard a marriage vow, "I agree to remain exactly the same in my views and opinions as you find me today, and not spring any surprises."

God doesn’t celebrate the static – He rejoices in living things, growing things.

Needless to say, my wife can vote any way she likes and has done for years. Isn't it wonderful? So can I.